Episode 1: Natalie decides to open a French bank account. She arbitrarily chooses BNP, because it is only due to Bank of America's agreement with them that she doesn't currently pay a foreign transaction fee when she takes money out of French ATM's. Her reasons for wanting a French bank account are largely superficial—mostly, she wants the little chip on her card (la puce, in French) that will allow her to use the grand majority of French machines which don't accept American credit or debit cards. For instance, upon arriving at Roissy (Charles de Gaulle airport), she had to wait in a 30 minute line to get a ticket to Paris, because the grand majority of the machines only take coins, and ATM's generally don't give people 12 euros as 6, 2 euro coins so they can buy a ticket to Paris using the machines. This minor inconvenience, on its own, wouldn't be an issue, but this sort of occurrence happens so often, Natalie has just decided it would make sense to have a French bank account.
So, currently in Avignon (this episode takes place last July), she heads to the nearest BNP and schedules an appointment. She can't schedule one for that day, or even for that week, so she makes it for the following week, as early as possible since she'll only be in France for another 5 weeks.
Episode 2: Natalie finally has a meeting at the BNP. The lady is very nice, extremely complimentary of Natalie's French-speaking abilities, and so Natalie is even more inclined to open the account. Natalie comes prepared with a letter from her summer program assuring them she is indeed living in the CROUS (horrible French student apartments) like she says, but the lady tells her this isn't a legitimate "attestation de logement" and that she needs a signed paper by someone at the CROUS. Natalie has never had any contact with anyone at the CROUS directly, the director's room is always empty (she appears to be on a perpetual vacation). It was her program that dealt with all of that. So, they take all her other information, and Natalie begs them to send anything they might need to send her to her program address and NOT to the CROUS, seeing as her mailbox at the CROUS refuses to lock and anyone can just wrench it open and take her mail.
Natalie goes back to her program and asks them to ask whoever might be responsible for attestations at the CROUS to get on that. The program says it is no problem.
Episode 3: BNP calls Natalie on her French cell phone, 3 weeks later, to let her know that she can come pick up her new "carte bancaire." Instead of being relieved or excited at the prospect of finally having the puce, Natalie is extremely annoyed, because she is leaving Avignon at the end of the week and NEVER coming back. She runs to the BNP to find it closed for lunch. Yes, while her classes end at noon, that is precisely the moment BNP decides to take a two hour lunch break. She goes home, takes a nap, and returns.
Sitting down with the woman, her personal bank advisor whom she will NEVER see again because she is leaving Avignon forever, Natalie is handed a blue card with a chip. A bit happier than before, she asks if she needs to give them a secret 4-digit code like she has in the US. They say she should have already received that by mail. She informs them that her program gives out the mail every day, and she hasn't received anything. She's also been waiting on a postcard from Venice that should have arrived at least 6 weeks ago, which she suspects will just never get there. The woman checked her computer and said it was mailed to the CROUS. Natalie, a bit annoyed, said she had asked them NOT to send things to the CROUS because the mail there was extremely unreliable. The woman, bright red, apologizes profusely and tells Natalie that she will put in a new order and it should arrive in 8 days (which could mean either a week or 8 literal days—you never know with the French...also, probably business days and not actually just one week). Natalie tells her YET AGAIN that she is leaving Avignon on Saturday, that she is NEVER coming back, and that how on earth is she going to use this account if she doesn't have the code? The woman apologizes over and over, and says she'll see if she can expedite it and get it there in only 5 days. Natalie leaves, knowing that is not good enough.
Episode 4: Natalie goes to her program and tells the woman in charge of the mail that a letter will arrive from BNP most likely next week. She will be in Paris, and she really needs the letter, but there is no point forwarding it to her since it will take forever and she will be in Berlin by the time it would arrive in Paris. What she wanted the woman to do was simple: when the letter arrived, please open it, call Natalie on her French cell phone, read the 4-digit secret code and any other information that might be useful, and then throw the letter away. The woman says no problem.
Natalie leaves Avignon, goes to Paris, and is sitting in a café with Alix, Mélanie, Mélanie's boyfriend David, and Mélanie's friend Anne-Claire. Suddenly, Natalie's old host brother, Pierre, is just walking by and notices Natalie sitting there, his former host sister who he didn't even know was back in Europe. What a coincidence! He sits down with her and her friends and they start talking of Pierre's plans to become a priest. He was very catholic. Then, Mélanie and David announce they're engaged. Then, Natalie gets a phone call from the woman from her Avignon program with the secret code at long last. Of the three surprises, the last one was the most surprising. It really worked—she had a French bank account! Leaving the café, she goes to a BNP ATM, withdraws 50 euros from her American account and deposits that money back into the ATM, but into her French account. Then, she pays for dinner and is actually able to use the fancy little machine at the restaurant that the waiter brings to the table. She is satisfied, until she tries to use the card in the subway in Berlin three days later only to find that the German machine doesn't recognize the French chip.
Episode 5: Natalie arrives in Paris this summer, and decides to go to the BNP to ask why she never received a 6-digit code for managing her account on the website. They apologize, and said it should have arrived by mail. They say they will immediately send a new one. Natalie tells them she opened the account in Avignon, but that she will never be there again, and that address is therefore useless. She tells them it is far more likely she will be in Paris. She gives them the address of Justine's apartment, and tells them she cannot get an attestation this month, the only month she will be in Paris. They say she doesn't need another one. That was just to open the account. The woman Natalie is speaking with is very nice, transfers everything to Paris, and says she can make an appointment for the 18th so that Natalie can meet her new Parisian bank adviser. Natalie thanks her politely and leaves.
Episode 6: Natalie receives a letter from BNP that says the account has been successfully transferred to Paris, but nowhere in the letter can she find a 6-digit code for the Internet. She tries to go back to the BNP, but it is a Monday and they are apparently closed on Monday's. Screaming into the sky where someone is clearly enjoying the comedy, she wonders how does anything get done in this country????
She returns to the BNP the following day, shows the lady at the door the letter and asks her to show her which of the many numbers were the 6 digits she needed to manage her account on the website. The woman says that none of them are, checks on her computer, and says a 6-digit secret code was mailed to an address in Avignon. Natalie, instead of crying like she should have, chuckles politely and asks if it would be at all possible to get a new code mailed to her address in Paris. The one to which they sent this letter she just showed to her. The woman says yes, that it should arrive in 8 to 10 days. Natalie assumes she means business days, and is no longer sure if that includes Monday's. A quick calculation indicates it should indeed work, so she says yes, telling herself that if it doesn't arrive before she leaves, she will just close the account and explain to them that they are indeed just as annoying as most Americans think all French people are.
Episode 7 (that is today): Natalie goes to her appointment with her new Parisian bank advisor who politely compliments her French. The flattery doesn't work on her anymore. Natalie calmly explains to the woman what an ordeal having this bank account has been. She tells her how, every time she wants to use it, she has to withdraw money from one account on the street (since there don't seem to be tons of ATM's INSIDE these banks), then deposit that cash into the French account. She would do a money transfer online, she insists, but since she cannot check her account balance online given her lack of a 6-digit secret code, she would prefer not to transfer any large amounts of money into the account. The woman apologizes profusely, and insists that she should have the code either today or tomorrow. By the end of the week at the absolute latest. She says Natalie will start being charged for the account at the end of July, so it is really in everybody's best interests that Natalie be able to put money into the account. She explains to Natalie that it is unlikely there will be a Bank of America approved bank in the small town where she is going in Italy (a town no French people seem to have heard of), and that Natalie will be happy to have a European bank account there where she won't have to deal with foreign transaction fees. She apologizes for all the inconveniences and says she looks forward to seeing Natalie on a regular basis when she spends her year abroad in Paris. Natalie asks why she would be seeing her on a regular basis, and she said that's the way French banks operate—in person, and not on the internet.
French people seem awfully suspicious of the Internet. I'm glad they prefer to put their trust in their postal service and their bureaucrats. Look how far it's gotten me so far! Seriously, though—this would make an excellent sitcom!
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